I've been struggling lately; however a scripture has been
helpful; that scripture is Romans 12:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

It has been relatively easy to remember in times
of strife!

Autobiography for everyone

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
Chapter I
I walk down the street.  There is a hole in the sidewalk.  I fall in.  I am lost.  I am helpless.  It isn't my fault.  It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I pretend I don't see it.  I fall in again.  I can't believe I am in the same place.  But it isn't my fault.  It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I see it is there.  I still fall in.  It's a habit.  My eyes are open.  I know where I am.  It is my fault.  I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.

This is by Portia Nelson however I think it can be applied to everyone!

Being Hard on yourself

I realized that I am hard on myself yesterday (AGAIN)
It is a continual process for me to relax and not expect
myself to do it better or perfectly. 
This causes me stress and tension to do this to myself
but I also do this with other people.  I expect them
to do things exactly the way I would or as fast as I
would or with the same precision as I do them.

This is completely unrealistic and can cause much
strife if I let it.  I'm working on not letting it and
practicing being a human BEING rather than a human
DOING.  This takes practice and concerted effort,
I also want to let other people be human BEINGS
rather than human DOINGS.

The pay off for this would be less stress and
valuing myself and others for being themselves
not for what they do or how much they
ACCOMPLISH!

FREE time (an oxymoron)

I have time off but it is spent doing things that
I feel that I HAVE to do, laundry, dinner, prepare
lunch for the next day, workout,count my hours,
find new topics for my therapy groups and decompress.

This does not leave a lot of time for doing the things
that I want to do, spend time with my husband, rest,
play, have unscheduled time, sleep in and/or spend
time with friends.

The concept of free time for me literally means
FREE time; time where I don't feel that I HAVE
to do something, time where I can get my creative
juices flowing, or not depending on how I feel.
It means getting up when I want to, snuggling up
to my hubby, slowly ingesting coffee and breakfast
and then see where the day leads me.

memory

so far this year I have been late in wishing my grandmother
acquired mom and acquired dad happy birthday.

This is not typical for me I typically am on time with these wishes
I find this odd that this year its so difficult for me.
I was almost a week late in wishing my grandmother
happy birthday-the the heck is that about...

i don't even begin to pretend to know

my moms birthday is 4-6, so maybe i'll do better...

My Garden

Directions for my garden

Plant three rows of peas:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

Plant four rows of lettuce
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

No garden without turnips
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help for one another

To conclude our garden we must have thyme:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

WATER FREELY with PATIENCE and cultivate with LOVE

Mindfulness quotes

10 Quotes for a Mindful Day

By ELISHA GOLDSTEIN, PH.D.

 Sometimes quotes can be just the bite size piece of wisdom we need to pop us into a mindful state of mind. Here are 10 quotes from leading people in the filed of mindfulness that might just do that.

1. “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~ Dalai Lama
2. “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~ Dalai Lama
3. “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
4. “If it isn’t good, let it die. If it doesn’t die, make it good.” ~ Ajahn Chah
5. “If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” – Pema Chodron
6. “As soon as we wish to be happier, we are no longer happy.” ~ Walter Landor
7. “Hatred never ceases by hatred; it only ceases by love.This is a timeless truth” ~ Joseph Goldstein
8. “There is no enlightenment outside of daily life.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
9. “Realize that this very body, with its aches and it pleasures… is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.” ~Pema Chodron
10. “When we scratch the wound and give into our addictions we do not allow the wound to heal.” ~ Pema Chodron

Client-Centered Therapy

The definition of expert is as follows

• adept: having or showing knowledge and skill and aptitude; "adept in handicrafts"; "an adept juggler"; "an expert job"; "a good mechanic"; "a ...
• a person with special knowledge or ability who performs skillfully

Do I believe that I am an expert on other peoples lives, I would say not so much

Sometimes I am not even an expert in my own life, although I do have knowledge, skill and adept

and I do have special knowledge or ability when it comes to my own life.

How do I create an environment and relationship with a patient/client

so that they may remove the blocks

If I as a therapist can put the patient in the right environment and teach

them how to maintain this environment and to remove the developmental

blocks and things that have hindered them to developing to their best possible

selves I can say that I have done something.

Truly my only job is to come along side the and help the to find and cultivate 

healthy thoughts, behaviors and environments.

Thoughts

Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.
  - Charles Mackay

I wonder what are peoples thoughts are on this quote.  

Hope

Effectiveness what does being effective
in someones life look like?

How do I know if what I do or what
I say is effecting someone positively?

I wonder if this is not about me, maybe
I am just a tool that God can use- I pray
that I allow myself to be used in the way
he needs me to be used.

Post Holiday Blahs

I don't know if this title is accurate but that

about sums it up for me at least.

At work we did something I thought was

really creative; we had our Christmas party

in JANUARY-yes you read right JANUARY

in an effort to help with the post Christmas

blues.

It was fun and a much needed small break.

I took of several days for the holidays and had

just gotten rested when I had to go back to work.

Not really complaining but acknowledging that

it is difficult to go back to work after being off

no matter how much you like your job.

Family

Family? What is family?

For me family are people who accept

us for our quirks and love us anyways.

People who despite our differences,

enjoy spending time around us.

Families are people who are intentionally

involved in our lives even when it is not

easy or convenient for them necessarily.

In my case these attributes are exhibited

most genuinely in my friends who have

become our family and I am eternally

grateful and humbled by this.

Christmas Spirit

I wonder what is Christmas Spirit

and how do I get this Christmas

Spirit.

I imagine it to be feeling rested,

calm, joyous, generous, loving

and kind.

I have not felt rested since I

was twelve, seriously... I

remember it explicitly I

woke up and felt like I could

tackle the day!

This WAS 19 years ago,

The closest I come now is not

having a bunch of things scheduled

and having what we call PJ days.

The spirit of Christmas

Okay, so I'm just not feeling the spirit of Christmas.

I don't have the time to rest and rejuvinate let alone

get into the spirit of anything.

That just feels like one more thing to do.

I'm TIRED of doing something, I feel like my

life is one long series of something else I have

to do.

Even in saying that I feel selfish, I know there

are worst things out there

Feeling Selfish

Sometimes-I admit it-I am a selfish person.

Each and every time my selfishness rears

its ugly head I am surprised.

Why? I don't really know, I guess I thought

that at some point in life I would stop being

selfish. Well so far that has not happened.

I am human and fallible, I want what I want and

I want it NOW.

BUY! BUY! BUY!

I feel overwhelmed by the amount of advertisement

that is trying to get me to buy buy buy.

It is couched in warm and friendly ways such as

buy this for your friends, family, coworkers, or

because you deserve this. I do feel the tug of it,

if I love, or care about my friends and family

I will buy this for them or get them something

they deserve.

I don't believe that love is shown by what

I get some one. If this was the case I would

be several hundreds of thousands of dollars

in debt "showing" my friends and family how

much I care and love them.

I believe love and caring is shown by being

present with friends and family when they

are going through their day-to-day struggles.

It is important to be present with friends and

family in the mundane doldrum of the days

and trying to love on them no matter what.

Anxiety

I am grateful that my husband is different then me.

I am an anxious person, this is something
that in and of itself incites anxiety in me.
That is the general nature of anxiety, the fact
that you feel anxious is in and of itself anxiety
provoking. It can be a viscous cycle if you let
it over take you. I mean that literally, at a
certain point it feels like you have no control
over the anxiety, that it just comes in waves
paralyzing its recipient.

IF I LET it overtake me it will is the main
point of this all. I mainly experience anxiety
when I don't know the outcome of something
or I don't know how its going to go or my role
in it. I know that I do not like "not knowing"
I've always said that is the worst part and I
stand by that. I come from the stand point
that if I know then I can handle whatever it is

Its also about control, my NEED to know is my
way of controlling the outcome.

Interesting enough this worked decently when
I was single, however the need to know and control
does not work quite as well when two are becoming
one or trying to become one. My love does not have
this same need to know or control and for this I am
grateful. We are both independent and know how
we like doing things and how things "should" be done
according to each one of our exacting standards.

Luckily my husband is very understanding and kind,
he is capable of gently reminding me in a way that I can
hear that I'm trying to control something or that I'm
becoming unnecessarily anxious.

uninspired

Feeling very uninspired, unmotivated and questioning
whether I am making a difference in peoples lives.

If I am making a difference in peoples lives, how is this
shown, do they change their behavior? or is it about
planting a seed that may or may not blossom in the future?

How do I keep this in mind, and remember that its not
about me and that even if I can just plant a seed that is worth it.

Does what I do matter?

connectedness

~yes I do realize the irony of this post~

Is it all too much, facebook, twitter, TweetDeck, blogging,
cell phones, and 3-5 email accounts (one for junk, one for
personal, one for work and ones I've forgotten about)

I don't know if this connectedness is REAL connectedness or
just a modicum and or reason to truly stay dis connected from
ourselves, each other and God.

Maybe it is an excuse to say that we are TRYING even though
these forms of "communication" are in actuality the least
intimate of them all.

However, I choose to use this as a place to record my thoughts
although I do express them to friends and family as well.

Today I am grateful for acupuncture and a loving husband
who made the acupuncture happen, stress because it lets
me know whats going on in my body, aches that let me know
I'm alive, the ability to write, the ability to read wonderful
books and a strengthening faith.

Birth day

So I feel as if I should write some introspective
thoughts on the last year this being my birth day and all

I in actuality have no introspective thoughts for
the last year.

I am continuing to grow more and more grateful
as I explore gratefulness in my life

Today I am grateful for being alive, when I was
born I was 3lbs 2oz and my first bed was a drawer
in a dresser, after I got out of the hospital.

I am grateful for the 31 years that I've lived,
not all of the moments have been good, but
I wouldn't change a thing about my last 31 years.

I have been questioned are you starting to feel old?
Most days the answer is an unequivocal no, however
on the rare days when I wake with a knot in a shoulder,
or have trouble standing back up after stooping down a
yes would suffice.

I am grateful today for birthday wishes, kind words,
people singing me happy birthday, beautiful weather,
my husband who cooked me a wonderful dinner and
great friends!