Swirling and Twirling

So my life has been a whirlwind lately, with changing positions in January and getting fully licensed as well as attempting to lower my sugar intake and also working on opening up a small private practice of some kind. I am busy to say the least.  Most of the time I'm tired and my brain is full of information at all times.  Some days it feels like if another person asks another question I might not be able to handle it.  Other days I feel like hey I can handle this and open a private practice AT THE SAME TIME.  I'm seriously considering hiring a maid to come in and clean the house.  It seems as if no matter what the house never stays clean for very long and there is an endless pile of clothes and a sink full of dishes or a dishwasher that needs to be emptied at all times.  This is with both Daniel and I cleaning, cooking and cleaning some more.  Does anyone else have this issue?  It doesn't seem like I get a chance to stop.  Oh and did I mention that I also work 6 days a week? That is not helping with my downtime, I have so little of it that I just want to spend it with my hubby.  On the other hand I MISS MY FRIENDS.  I think what it comes down to is that I miss free time, unscheduled time time to do whatever I want, whenever I want if I want to do it at all.

Another Update

     So another couple of months since my last entry.  The holidays happened and it was super busy.  Surrounding the holidays I was offered a new position at the same company and had to decide whether or not to take the new position.  When I was offered the position the company attempted to low ball me and to keep me at my same salary with greater responsibilities.  I received some fantastic counsel regarding this move and rejected the offer. This was a pretty big deal considering the company that I work for does not give raises and is divided between administration staff and the therapists.Nary the two shall meet unless it is negative in nature. I had to meet with the Chief Financial Officer in order to express my salary requirements.  I practiced my speech to Daniel of course and presented it to the CFO.  I stated the salary requirement that I would accept and IT WAS ACCEPTED!  I also got this in writing which doesn't happen at the company I work for, I was quite impressed with myself. :)
     So I accepted the job and one of the positives regarding this position is that it is ten minutes from our house!  It is glorious I LOVE THE COMMUTE!  Some days my hubby can even take me to work which is lots of fun~ I am the director of the unit at a psychiatric hospital which is a whole different thing for me to learn. Inpatient treatment is very different than PHP work but is still with the same population.  I see much more acute psychosis than I've experienced previously and so it is taking some time to adjust!  I am also in a team leader position which is a new supervisory position for me. I do like being "the boss" although it is a learning process for me.  In the midst of this I RECEIVED MY PERMANENT LICENSED as a therapist.  It is AWESOME  I can now go in to private practice if I want to do so!  It opens several doors for me! 
     Currently I am still in the learning curve in my new position and I am adjusting to the new position and responsibilities (I may need to go back to the CFO and ask for more money)  I am continuing to learn more about therapy and about myself through this process and look forward to the challenge in the future.

Update

So it has been 2 plus months since I've written anything.  Trying to update is like
trying to remember what I wore yesterday.  I know I have done things but I can't
for the life of me remember what things I have done.

I continue to struggle at my job, but I am not the only one.
The administration does not understand what I do nor
do they care about what I do.  However, I am convinced
that they are actively trying to make it more difficult, draining
and less supportive than it is already.

So I already do a difficult job and it feels as if it gets more
difficult the longer I am there.  I struggle to remain empathic
and be the better person in regards to the administration, but
sometimes my empathy cup is empty.

I am trying to learn more each day and I am grateful for
some of my experiences  I hope that I can learn more
as I grow professionally and personally

Non sequitur

Non sequitur- THIS is the phrase to describe my job to a "T"
It does not make sense and that is the "norm" Its like a dysfunctional family
no communication, secrets, and rigid roles.

My job has been converting to an electronic medical records system.
Now, this sounds like it should be a relatively easy process except...
WE HAVE HAD NO TRAINING on THE SYSTEM and it was
NOT DEVELOPED FOR MY PARTICULAR WORKPLACE!
So now we are expected to use the system although we don't know how
and when we mess up as we are bound to do that is when we are
corrected and blamed for things going wrong although WE were not
COMMUNICATED how to do it the right way to begin with.

Imagine if we were actually trained how to do it, how EFFICIENT
that would be, how much time it would SAVE?
No though we are only "taught" with negative reinforcement and no support

Why church may be like marriage

So the hubby ad I were discussing last night about the high turnover at our church.

Not necessarily in staff but in some of the people that are in what I would deem

"lay leadership".  My hubby stated that having a high turnover of these "lay leaders"

Is not necessarily a good/healthy thing.  I responded that the the opposite is also

not healthy-having the same people that just stay and stagnate isn't healthy either.

So, how do you find a balance?  Stay at a church as long as it meets your 

needs and then when it does not meet your needs move on?  How do you decide if 

the needs that the church meets are more important than other needs or is this

more fluid than this dichotomous statement?  If you just stay at a church then

you run the risk of stagnating if you are trying to hold on to "the way it was" or 

is this starting traditions?

Or is committing to a church like committing to marriage, you commit to hang in 

through the ups and downs, the frustrations and the money troubles, and work 

hard at growing together.  I believe there is a fine balance between stagnating and

being non committal, I just wonder how to continue to find this balance and when

does it all become too much.

On the other hand is the church suppose to be about me?  Or what I get out of it? or

which of my needs it can meet? Or is the church about serving and loving on others out

of a place that God has created?  When does this serving and loving become draining and

painful?

Tired

I find myself to say that I am tired in response to the question "How are you?" ALOT

Even when I am not actually tired, its an automatic response.  I pray for the
ability to pause when asked this question and hear the question and answer; really
the question, from a place of grace and heart.

Bumper stickers

What If the Hokey Pokey IS What It's All About?
"Please Jesus, protect me from your followers"
My Border Collie is smarter than your honor student.
Visualize Whirled Peas
As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in school
Visualize using your turn signal
If Going to Church Makes You a Christian,
Then Does Going to a Garage Make You a Car?
Bad Cop! No Donut.
"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most"
Mean people suck
The gene pool needs more chlorine.
My life is based on a true story
"God bless the whole world. No exceptions."
"If only closed minds came with closed mouths."
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool! 
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
7 days with out Jesus makes one weak 
A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, You Know, Night 
Be Human.
Before giving someone a piece of mind be sure you have enough to spare!
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!! ??
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Ever Stop To Think And Forget To Start Again?     
I Don’t Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It
I don't decaf
I don't do mornings.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.
I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go.  

I've been struggling lately; however a scripture has been
helpful; that scripture is Romans 12:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

It has been relatively easy to remember in times
of strife!

Autobiography for everyone

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
Chapter I
I walk down the street.  There is a hole in the sidewalk.  I fall in.  I am lost.  I am helpless.  It isn't my fault.  It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I pretend I don't see it.  I fall in again.  I can't believe I am in the same place.  But it isn't my fault.  It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I see it is there.  I still fall in.  It's a habit.  My eyes are open.  I know where I am.  It is my fault.  I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.

This is by Portia Nelson however I think it can be applied to everyone!

Being Hard on yourself

I realized that I am hard on myself yesterday (AGAIN)
It is a continual process for me to relax and not expect
myself to do it better or perfectly. 
This causes me stress and tension to do this to myself
but I also do this with other people.  I expect them
to do things exactly the way I would or as fast as I
would or with the same precision as I do them.

This is completely unrealistic and can cause much
strife if I let it.  I'm working on not letting it and
practicing being a human BEING rather than a human
DOING.  This takes practice and concerted effort,
I also want to let other people be human BEINGS
rather than human DOINGS.

The pay off for this would be less stress and
valuing myself and others for being themselves
not for what they do or how much they
ACCOMPLISH!

FREE time (an oxymoron)

I have time off but it is spent doing things that
I feel that I HAVE to do, laundry, dinner, prepare
lunch for the next day, workout,count my hours,
find new topics for my therapy groups and decompress.

This does not leave a lot of time for doing the things
that I want to do, spend time with my husband, rest,
play, have unscheduled time, sleep in and/or spend
time with friends.

The concept of free time for me literally means
FREE time; time where I don't feel that I HAVE
to do something, time where I can get my creative
juices flowing, or not depending on how I feel.
It means getting up when I want to, snuggling up
to my hubby, slowly ingesting coffee and breakfast
and then see where the day leads me.

memory

so far this year I have been late in wishing my grandmother
acquired mom and acquired dad happy birthday.

This is not typical for me I typically am on time with these wishes
I find this odd that this year its so difficult for me.
I was almost a week late in wishing my grandmother
happy birthday-the the heck is that about...

i don't even begin to pretend to know

my moms birthday is 4-6, so maybe i'll do better...

My Garden

Directions for my garden

Plant three rows of peas:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

Plant four rows of lettuce
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

No garden without turnips
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help for one another

To conclude our garden we must have thyme:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends

WATER FREELY with PATIENCE and cultivate with LOVE

Mindfulness quotes

10 Quotes for a Mindful Day

By ELISHA GOLDSTEIN, PH.D.

 Sometimes quotes can be just the bite size piece of wisdom we need to pop us into a mindful state of mind. Here are 10 quotes from leading people in the filed of mindfulness that might just do that.

1. “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~ Dalai Lama
2. “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” ~ Dalai Lama
3. “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
4. “If it isn’t good, let it die. If it doesn’t die, make it good.” ~ Ajahn Chah
5. “If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” – Pema Chodron
6. “As soon as we wish to be happier, we are no longer happy.” ~ Walter Landor
7. “Hatred never ceases by hatred; it only ceases by love.This is a timeless truth” ~ Joseph Goldstein
8. “There is no enlightenment outside of daily life.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
9. “Realize that this very body, with its aches and it pleasures… is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.” ~Pema Chodron
10. “When we scratch the wound and give into our addictions we do not allow the wound to heal.” ~ Pema Chodron

Client-Centered Therapy

The definition of expert is as follows

• adept: having or showing knowledge and skill and aptitude; "adept in handicrafts"; "an adept juggler"; "an expert job"; "a good mechanic"; "a ...
• a person with special knowledge or ability who performs skillfully

Do I believe that I am an expert on other peoples lives, I would say not so much

Sometimes I am not even an expert in my own life, although I do have knowledge, skill and adept

and I do have special knowledge or ability when it comes to my own life.

How do I create an environment and relationship with a patient/client

so that they may remove the blocks

If I as a therapist can put the patient in the right environment and teach

them how to maintain this environment and to remove the developmental

blocks and things that have hindered them to developing to their best possible

selves I can say that I have done something.

Truly my only job is to come along side the and help the to find and cultivate 

healthy thoughts, behaviors and environments.

Thoughts

Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.
  - Charles Mackay

I wonder what are peoples thoughts are on this quote.  

Hope

Effectiveness what does being effective
in someones life look like?

How do I know if what I do or what
I say is effecting someone positively?

I wonder if this is not about me, maybe
I am just a tool that God can use- I pray
that I allow myself to be used in the way
he needs me to be used.

Post Holiday Blahs

I don't know if this title is accurate but that

about sums it up for me at least.

At work we did something I thought was

really creative; we had our Christmas party

in JANUARY-yes you read right JANUARY

in an effort to help with the post Christmas

blues.

It was fun and a much needed small break.

I took of several days for the holidays and had

just gotten rested when I had to go back to work.

Not really complaining but acknowledging that

it is difficult to go back to work after being off

no matter how much you like your job.

Family

Family? What is family?

For me family are people who accept

us for our quirks and love us anyways.

People who despite our differences,

enjoy spending time around us.

Families are people who are intentionally

involved in our lives even when it is not

easy or convenient for them necessarily.

In my case these attributes are exhibited

most genuinely in my friends who have

become our family and I am eternally

grateful and humbled by this.

Christmas Spirit

I wonder what is Christmas Spirit

and how do I get this Christmas

Spirit.

I imagine it to be feeling rested,

calm, joyous, generous, loving

and kind.

I have not felt rested since I

was twelve, seriously... I

remember it explicitly I

woke up and felt like I could

tackle the day!

This WAS 19 years ago,

The closest I come now is not

having a bunch of things scheduled

and having what we call PJ days.